What is your worth based on?  Do you see your true value or only that which you’ve been taught to see?

Unfortunately, we live in a world that has taught us to only value our external appearance.  We are only as valuable as how we appear or who we can attract. This type of thinking for both men and women is based on survival. On the survival of the species and our reproductive viability.  Is this who we really are?  Are we supposed to, in this day and age of increased self-awareness and personal enlightenment, believe that this is the whole of our worth as human beings and as women?  Of course we don’t think this way consciously and we talk the talk but have you noticed that this way of thinking just sneaks into your life when you’re caught “unaware”?  These are the deep-seated unconscious programs that have been running in our cells since the dawn of time, but it’s not working for us anymore.

Women for the most part no longer need a man to support them financially, to drag the antelope into the cave for dinner or, in many cases, even to procreate.  While this might sound very feminist and liberating what does it mean?  Have we made man obsolete?  Well, if you look at it from a survival perspective then yes it can be interpreted that way, but hang on a minute. Aren’t we supposed to be coming together to co-create something bigger for the world?  This brings me back to this deep unconscious need for women to be sexual and attractive to a man.  Like I said we do this unconsciously, but yet there it is.  So what happens when we no longer use this type of subconscious manipulation to “trap” a man?  What happens when we fully believe in ourselves and know we are so much more than our love handles, tight tummy or breast?  Can we then come together from a place of true heart centered connection?  Relying on external validation for internal beauty is like putting a blindfold on and walking through the woods.  You may find your way eventually but not without a lot of damage to yourself.  When a woman can truly embrace who she is; the goddess, the bitch, the crone, the mother, the strong warrior and the vulnerable heart, then she can attract a relationship based on shared values and a heart centered willingness to co-create with a man. Gone are the days of our co-dependent relationships, which have been replaced by the new era of loving and relating to one and another.

So why are we still doing this?  Why as women and even as men are we still functioning from this purely survival mentality?  Isn’t our purpose here to evolve, grow, and work together to love and share with the world?  What does a woman have to offer to the world, to her peers, to other women and to men beyond her beauty, sex and reproductive ability?

As women I think the first step begins with what I call “the noticing.” This is becoming more aware of our intentions with curiosity and without judgement.  Why do we do certain things?  Why do we dress a certain way?  Are we doing it for external validation or acceptance?  Are we trying to “trap” a man with our looks and sex appeal as though that is our only or best asset?  To effectively “notice” or be aware you also need to be really honest with yourself.  If you’re not honest with yourself and you lie about the answers to your questions then you will never be able to fully change and know the joy of loving yourself. That is loving youself 100% for you and not what your perceived value is to others

Once you find your answers you can start to notice what the deep need or fear is behind your external yearning.  Where does it come from?  Is it still true?  For example, were you told too often how beautiful your were as a child yet never acknowledged for your achievements in school, your imagination and/or your independence?  Your worth as a woman and as a person goes so far beyond what we have been programmed to believe.  If you recognize that this may be an issue for you and affecting your life and relationships you may benefit from some personal coaching in this area.  Many of my clients have found the courage and strength to leave bad or toxic relationships and friendships through increased self worth and love.  Often even transforming their current relationships and finding their way again after having lost themselves.

I would love to hear about all the ways you have come to love yourself more and what “the noticing” has done for you.  Please post your comments below and let’s share our tools with our community and friends.

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