Devon Bandison is one of the most sought after success coaches in the world. He works with Fortune 100 Companies and people from all walks of life, including professional athletes and teams, CEO’s, salespeople, small business owners, the top business and life coaches in the world and parents. Devon was born and raised in New York City and shares the same energetic heartbeat, big personality and commitment to excellence as his hometown. Growing up, his love and hard work in sports resulted in him receiving a basketball scholarship to a school in North Carolina.

After graduation he spent years working in the trenches for a non-profit organization, developing programs for youth, families and first-time fathers in some of the toughest neighborhoods throughout NYC. As Director of this organization he supervised social workers, psychiatrists and managers helping to improve the lives of children and families. He also served on various city and state committees to improve service delivery throughout NYC. Devon continued his education by earning a B.A. in Psychology and Masters in Public Administration.

Devon is now CEO of the Devon Bandison Company, a global coaching organization that specializes in high performance and transformation. He provides leadership development, training and coaching to professionals who want to achieve more in life, at home, at work and in the world. Devon is an international and TEDX speaker and fatherhood thought leader whose work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, Inc. Magazine and Success Magazine. He is the creator and leader of the Game Changer Mastermind Group and of various workshops for leaders who are ready to play all-out in life and business.

Devon is the proud father of three wonderful human beings who teach him way more about life and love then he could ever teach them.  You can catch him with his children at Friday Night Pizza Nights, Basketball for Breakfast, and rap concerts. Connect with Devon at www.devon.bandison.com.

In this episode, Giovanna introduces Devon Bandison, a prominent success coach and Tedx speaker. His book Fatherhood Is Leadership: Your Playbook for Success, Self-Leadership, and a Richer Life provides a fresh, modern take on fatherhood. The role of a father is no longer a no-nonsense, authoritarian approach. Instead, it is about bringing in influence, impact and intimacy into your relationship with your children. While a good father does not shy away from showing his flaws and vulnerability, he is also a role model to his children. Tune in as Devon Bandison, a father of four, shares his own story of discovery into the role of a father and how his insights break the mould of traditional parenting paradigms.

  • Giovanna quotes Kahlil Gibran on raising children which describes the philosophy behind Devon’s book: Fatherhood Is Leadership: Your Playbook for Success, Self-Leadership, and a Richer Life
  • Devon has been invited to this show to discuss his thoughts on fatherhood which are against the age-old paradigms
  • Leave a message for Devon on the She Rises website, or connect with Giovanna or Devon on Facebook
  • Intent of writing this book was to make a positive impact on people’s lives—stupendous response has catapulted this book to number #1 on Amazon bestsellers
    • Devon hopes that his book will help out one father, one family and one community at a time
  • This book manages to elicit tears as well as laughs from Giovanna
    • Realized that women are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they fail to understand the trials of the men in their lives
    • Helped her look at her father as a flawed person, and enabled her to let go of a lot of resentment that she had harbored for years
  • Unable to cope with the death of Devon’s grandmother, his father turned to drugs
    • Devon blamed himself for his father’s plight
    • Relationships with parents majorly impact the decisions you make and stories you create in the initial years of your life
    • Made a promise to himself to be a better father to his children; however, when his daughter was born, Devon had very little knowledge of how to be a good father
    • Unable to show his vulnerabilities, Devon suffered in silence for a number of years
  • Developed programs for non-profits working for the betterment of at-risk or at-hope youth, as Devon puts it
    • Made a big impact on some of the toughest boroughs of New York
    • Mistake to take on a high-paying position in downtown Manhattan on the insistence of the Vice President
  • Slumped to the lowest point of his life while going through a difficult divorce
  • Ran into David Allen—known for his time management method, “Getting Things Done”—who egged him on
    • Coaxed Devon to come for a 3-day retreat in Ojai, California which turned out to be best decision of his life
    • David asked him two prodding questions, ‘What would you put 10,000 hours into?’, and ‘What would you do if money wasn’t as issue?’
    • Coming to know of Devon’s passion for fatherhood, David encouraged him to build a business around it
    • Within 9 months, he got a chance to host his own TEDx Within 2 years, he was able to quit his job and start his own coaching practice
  • Has managed to mend bridges with his ex-wife two years into a difficult divorce
  • Men need space to be authentic and display their vulnerable side
  • Explaining the “Cup and Saucer” analogy
    • Men serve families, their jobs, their friends and their communities
    • Eventually their “cup” becomes empty, leaving them overwhelmed
    • Through his book, Devon explains how men can fill their cup, which overflows into the saucer – their children, their families and their communities
    • “Be the best version of yourself, so that it trickles down to everybody around you”
  • Performance, security and mortality are the three things that men struggle with the most
    • Inherent desire to be the best is coupled with a tendency to hide vulnerabilities
    • Men are hesitant to get relationship insights from women; there is a need to overcome this mindset
    • Constitution of men is such that they wish to protect their families emotionally, physically and financially
  • Expecting too much out our relationships ultimately leads to disappointment and resentment
    • Free yourself of resentment by cultivating gratitude—children need to realize that their father did the best he could with the tools he had
  • “The deepest and truest sense of forgiveness is the realization that there was never a transgression”
    • Developing a forgiving nature will free you up from the bondage of the past
    • “Music is not in the notes. Music is in the silence, in-between the notes”
    • Avoid reading too much into people’s words to prevent disagreement
    • No need to seek validation from your friends and family. Cultivating a forgiving nature will help you develop a mindset where you will believe that everything is right just the way it is
  • Parenthood has evolved from an authoritarian, no-nonsense approach to a vulnerable one
    • Influence, intimacy and impact are the key factors to being a great father
    • Rather than your title, the influence that you have over your children is what makes you a great father
    • Need to move from a “Do as I say, not as I do” approach to a “Do as I do and do as I say” one
    • A great father actually walks the talk
    • Intimacy translates to “In to me you see”. A good father does not shy away from hiding his shortcomings from his children and treats his children as his greatest teachers
  • A good father helps his children retain their individuality, and guide them to be the best possible version of themselves
  • We do not have a fatherhood crisis, but a relationship crisis
  • Devon is helping men become better version of themselves so that they can show up and be better leaders in their families, communities and outside in the world
  • “You can change the world one conversation at a time, one relationship at a time and one kind act at time”
  • Look inwards for success in your relationships and professional life, and it is sure to reflect in your exterior life
  • Devon talks about the special bond that he shares with his first-born, his daughter
    • “Unlike others my dad wasn’t the first heartbreak, but he was the one who showed me unconditional love”
    • Having a daughter changed the way Devon looked at women and he has learnt a lot about life from her
    • Reached out to Real Dad’s Network with a heartwarming letter, and Devon got the “Real Dad of the Year” award
    • Having a secure childhood has negated the need for his daughter to look for validation from other men and friends
  • Learn to let go of your children, and let them make mistakes. This is simply a learning process, and in no way a reflection on your parenting skills
    • Learn to look upon failure as an opportunity to better one’s self
    • “Give them a break, allow them to grow, allow them to fall short, and allow yourself to do the same”
  • Recounting a near-death experience while flying from San Antonio, Devon shares that in that moment all that mattered was his children, his relationships and his loved ones. Devon was grateful for the transformational work that he had done and the legacy he was leaving his children
    • People spend all their time trading time for money only to wish at the end of the life they could give the money back for more time
  • The lesson that took Devon the longest to learn is that everything that is in this moment is exactly how it is supposed to be
  • Check out She Rises website
  • Review and subscribe She Rises on iTunes

3 Key Points:

  1. Men need to display their vulnerable side to their children; parent out of a place of vulnerability and intimacy with your children.
  2. Free yourself from disappointments and resentment by cultivating gratitude.
  3. Don’t wait until the end of your life to realize the importance of family, friends and your relationships.

Resources Mentioned:

She Rises Podcast by Giovanna Capozza Devon Bandison
The Evolution of Fatherhood
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