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What does it mean to find true love?

Often we think of the romantic kind, or in some cases we become “addicted” to unrequited love. This is an illusion, and it’s the stuff that movies are made from.  As a self proclaimed hopeless romantic I can see the appeal of this illusion, but as a woman who is on a spiritual journey what I actually want is a true connection to another person.  Real love comes not from our movie fantasies, or beautiful works of literature, but from an understanding that we are all connected energetically at a deeper level than what we can view through the human eye. It comes from a place where we have the ability to forgive and understand each other’s wounds.  When you can see past a person’s scars you are viewing their real persona. This is the part of them that is connected to God, and is the divine essence of who they are beyond their personality.

As a hopeless romantic I do confess to being swept away by a romantic movie, or getting caught up in the beautiful lyrics of a song. Even the classic tale of love like Pride and Prejudice, and more recently, perhaps to some more crudely, the Twilight Saga! (I chuckle at my inner teenage girl sometimes).  So I asked myself what do all of these stories have in common?  The modern woman does not only want to be swept off her feet, she wants to be met in her mind.  She wants to feel that soul connection to another human being, but is that where the buck stops?

What is the nature of a spiritual relationship? To me that sounds like a funny thing to say. All of our relationships are, or should be spiritual, right?  We should feel and know that we are connected to others, but we often aren’t aware of this unless a crisis or some extraordinary situation arises.  Perhaps this is why we seek it out on such a personal level in our love relationships.  Eckhart Tolle explains that our interactions in romantic relationships are the polarities that exist in our unconscious thinking.  For example, at first it’s all warm hearts and love; then rapidly a relationship can slip into drama, hurt feelings, and hate.  This love/hate battle, Tolle says, can either go on for the duration of the relationship or cause it to end and the pattern to be repeated. Wow, what a vicious cycle. Unfortunately, we all do it!  So, how do we stop it?  Check out this blog I wrote talking about the inner child.

Our romantic relationships are perhaps our biggest and greatest teachers.  They show us where we are still wounded or incomplete, and where we shine.  Sometimes it’s easier to work through these wounds alone but sometimes it’s also easy to brush them under the rug.  When you have a mirror held up to you you can’t help but SEE (if you choose to).  Often in relationships, we can get caught up in the blame game and cannot see the real gift in these emotional triggers.  To be aware that everyone comes with a set of baggage and wounds that can be triggered during a relationship is key. To take responsibility for your own wounds is another story completely.  It’s important to recognize that when a conflict or “charge” comes up there is always a reason behind it. Take responsibility for your reaction and don’t put it on the other person.  This, of course, takes practice and a conscious relationship with yourself and your partner.  Having this level of conscious awareness will not only help you through the present conflict, but will also help heal past wounds and bring you into a more completed and fulfilled sense of being.

Recently, I found a list of traits I wanted in my ideal man/relationship.  I wrote it just over a year ago. As I went down the list, reading each and every detail, I realized that I had attracted that exact person into my life over the summer. He was the perfect fit and my spiritual partner, but the relationship ended.  In the aftermath of this beautiful, spiritual partnership, with months of unhappiness and bumping into each others wounds,  I was able to sit back and see the gifts.  So what happened you ask?  I found my “soulmate” my “twin flame” perhaps and we were unable to sustain the intense connection and love we had for each other.  As I look back, I can see how perfectly we had fit into each others lives and the effect we had on the next phase of our separate journeys. The mistake we made, or I made, was expecting that we would be on that journey together for a lifetime.  Expectations stop the flow and stop the love.  What I see now is that the journey to your completed self has many steps and many beautiful, sometimes painful, parts. Our pain comes from trying to hang on too tight and not going with the flow. Resistance is one of the main causes of pain.  I don’t know what the future holds for him and I but I do know that my relationship with him was one of the most beautiful gifts I have yet to know.

Take all the gifts and leave all the pain behind. Your only salvation is in forgiveness, but PLEASE forgive yourself first!

Revised: Dec 2012

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