Relationships can be many things, rewarding, comforting, loving, friendly, passionate and sometimes a downright mess. Why is this? What I want to talk about today are the expectations that we put on our personal relationships. We often throw around the term unconditional love. We want unconditional love and we say we give it, but what does this really mean?
Relationships are the playground where all of our past wounds, upbringings, and dogmas come to the surface. We don’t realize this, most of the time, because we enter into relationships unconsciously and all of these wounds play out in the unconscious. Instead, we need to treat our personal relationships like a spiritual practice. Practising being non-judgemental and having no expectations can be difficult if we’re still playing out our own unconscious woundings and past traumas. We get caught up in a struggle to manipulate and force the other person to “behave” in the way we want or need. We do this in subtle and not so subtle ways but we do it nonetheless. The important thing is to examine your bruised and battered self every time a conflict arises. Are you really reacting to the current situation or is this past programming? It can be very difficult to do this; especially if only one half of the partnership is participating. Often it’s easier to be in conflict than to look at your “stuff” and be compassionate towards your partner’s baggage too.
While pondering this the other night I received such a rush of excitement with the awareness that came to me. For a long time now I’ve had a hard time with the institution of marriage and all the expectations that can come with it. I was, however, still on the fence about marriage. I jump back and forth, but I’m still not convinced that it is right for me. Of course, I’d like to be in a committed, long-term relationship, but I’ve never seen marriage as the be all and end all of that wish. The other night I realized that it doesn’t have to be that way! In fact, with the shift in consciousness that is occurring all over the globe, we are changing the way we view our traditions. There is a paradigm shift happening right now with the way we view and experience our personal relationships The true purpose of our union to each other is deeper and more meaningful than what has been presented to us in the traditional “package” of marriage.
This is what I have received:
There will be a merging together of two people, yes, but the merging will not be on the level of identity. It will be on the level of two souls connecting. Their soul’s purpose will be to grow and learn from each other and better the other in return. Marriage will be about connecting to something deeper in both themselves and each other. As well, to remind each other of their essential nature beyond thought and form. Right now relationships and marriages continue to be ways in which we unconsciously play out our wounded selves and create false identities. The relationships of the future will consist of two fully realized souls coming together to learn and share with each other. They will each be conscious of what they bring to the relationship. This relationship will not necessarily look like the typical relationships of today. It will not be a marriage as an antiquated and confining tradition for both men and women. There will be a deep bond and commitment to the other but without the label. The merging pair will be free and independent of each other but will also be intensely joined and committed to sharing a relationship together.
During sexual intimacy, there is a merging of two energy forms, and in the past it has been difficult for people, women, in particular, to detach after the act of intercourse. Women have been burdened by such a long history of objectification. Some women have an unhealthy and dysfunctional perception of themselves and can identify their self-worth with their sexuality and physical attractiveness. They have a need to be wanted and desired. This will change as the sacred feminine strengthens and evolves further and the divine masculine softens and awakens in every man.
The fantasy relationship that we all dream of will first be realized within ourselves and then mirrored back to us in another. Make a list of all the qualities that you want in a perfect union. Now see where you already have all those traits around you. View them in yourself and in others in your world. Then ask yourself who would you be if you did not have a partner like that? Who would you be if you were able to fulfil all those things on the list for yourself? It’s important to ask this of yourself so that you do not seek in another that which you believe to be missing in yourself. You are already everything!
When two people who are truly conscious and aware come together then the relationship cannot help but be different. It is up to us to awaken in our current relationships or, if you’re not in a relationship, to continue to do the work and prepare yourself for this potential connection. Knowing all the while however that the relationship is not needed to reinforce any part of your false identity. Rather, it will be a union to continue on your journey and who you are with another soul who is on their way to be fully awakened!
Be you’re own soulmate and seek out an enlightened, enchanted love in yourself so that it may be reflected back to you by another. You are complete already!
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Lots of love on your journey… Giovanna